Who hasn’t had it? The opportunity to defile the marriage bed. Every day we are all faced with that excitingly naughty feeling that whispers in our ears, “Taste it just one time, your partner won’t know anyway. Everybody else does it”. And if you decide to give in to the urge, you may soon be so hooked – maybe not to the person you did it with per se but – at the very act of cheating that it’s become part of your lifestyle.
Then you start becoming strange and embrace skewed thoughts that “everyone does it”. Before you know it, you’re looking for anything to justify the lustful behavior in order to make yourself feel better – even thoughts of polygamy.
Fact is, even the most trusted person is constantly presented with varying opportunities to cheat on a regular basis. And it can happen that you fall. It has happened to many. In fact, it’s happening as you read this. This does not imply that people shouldn’t do their best to resist the temptation to cheat, but merely recognizing that even the “best” among us, the most resolute – given the right circumstances – are susceptible to cheating and can slip at any point.
We always advise couples, you only have one official partner. If you love them right, one is all you need. Despite the seeming obviousness of it, and more often than not, infidelity isn’t about sex. Cheat-proofing your relationship isn’t as simple as constantly upping the sex game. Your partner can cheat on you in spite of the great sex life you have. Similarly, being cheated on isn’t necessarily a sign that there’s something wrong with you or the
There are many people who consider themselves happily monogamous that end up crossing a line they never imagined they’d cross.
We’ve heard all kinds of reasons for cheating before. Like the desire for novelty or to recapture the spark and excitement that first defined their relationship when it began. Some people strike up affairs because they want to feel wanted, while others do it in protest against certain treatment they get with their official partners. For others it’s about the rush of doing something forbidden, the thrill of risk and being caught. Still for others, it’s about boredom and wanting to shake things up.
Some have affairs because they’re rebelling against a belief about themselves or the values they grew up with, while others may be reacting to the pain of previous relationships. Some are trying to recapture a lost sense of self while others are making up for opportunities they believe they’d missed.
Other times it’s a matter of one partner simply panicking and lashing out. For some people, cheating on their partner is a way of punishing them or getting revenge for some fight. Even if the other partner never learns about the affair, but that secret knowledge serves as a sort of reprisal, a trump card that can be dealt at any time. Then there are those who use affairs to get out of relationships that were otherwise dead or dying. Many people who’ve had affairs were actually slamming their hands on the relationship self-destruct button – as acts of self-sabotage, as weapons of last resort, or even just because they’re afraid and hitting the eject button seems like a better option rather than facing their fears.
We believe there can never exist any intelligent reason why anyone cheats. People cheat because of lust. Notwithstanding many affairs that happen because of an emotional connection – and sometimes end there, people cheat because they simply can. It’s an inability to exercise self-control and seek means of developing workable ways of resolving challenges in the legitimate relationship. We don’t believe there can be any problem in your relationship that can make you cheat on your partner. It’s one of the worst forms of disrespect for your partner. Furthermore, cheating can never be the fault of the faithful partner in the relationship. When you cheat, you – on your own – voluntarily make that choice.
Avoiding an opportunity to cheat on your partner means harnessing your power to resist temptation. This you do sometimes by literally running away from potentially compromising environment. The reason alcoholics avoid bars and those on weight-loss programmes avoid bakeries is because they know that being confronted with the source of their temptation only increases the pressure on their limited resolve.
Furthermore, cultivating a strong friendship with your partner is one other way of avoiding a cheating opportunity. Nothing beats the solidity of a relationship whose foundation is transparent friendship and getting used to doing things together. You also want to avoid inappropriate conversations by not giving mixed signals. As much as possible, never allow yourself to have a “special friendship” with the opposite sex from work or church to whom you turn for advice and support. This is especially so if the “special friend” is unknown to your partner or says things they wouldn’t be able to comfortably say in front of your partner.
Lastly taking care of yourself is one of our most considered tactics during this journey. Many people fall for the trap of relaxing after they’ve found each other, and cease from chasing or pursuing each other. When you eat healthy, exercise and look your best you maintain your attraction to your partner. Of course this does not mean you must squander your household budget on shopping sprees – even getting into unnecessary and fruitless debts. But it does mean you shouldn’t lose the urge to maintain your partner’s attraction to you.