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The cougar effect – Marrying your junior

Finding a loving and caring man that’s genuinely into you these days is not easy. And usually when women hit the 40s, anxiety goes off the roof because almost every man their age around them is unavailable. The ones remaining are generally riddled with complex relational issues like fear of commitment, midlife-crisis, heavy baggage, career-centred life and the outdated player-syndrome. Most of them, narcissistically believe they’re doing just fine, but are failing to realise that actually, very few women genuinely want to hook up with them long term anyway.

So if at 40, you caught yourself a good younger one, reel him in girl. Love him back even more. There’s nothing stopping you dating a man younger than yourself, except your own limiting beliefs and too much attention to social pressures. It might work or it might not, but that’ll be the same as with someone your age.

Many women don’t fully enjoy relationships where the man is much younger, largely because it’s a social taboo. Society sees nothing wrong with Donald Trump being 24 years older than his wife, Melania, but have a lot to say about Emmanuel and Brigitte Macron’s age difference. She is 25 years his senior.

Don’t listen to what anyone says about the age difference between you and your partner, as long as it’s legal, obviously. You could just as easily be dating from your peers and still run into “age gap obstacles.” However, there are indeed certain things to keep in mind for relationships in such a circumstance.

Lesser baggage

When you enter into a new relationship, you’re bringing former lovers along with you. But a younger guy is likely packing less. Men can have preconceived notions about women and relationships based on past experiences. The younger and less experienced he is, the more open he’s likely to be in his relationship with you.

However, less baggage can also mean lack of relationship skills, such as communicating and resolving conflicts. Every fight, depending on his level of experience, may seem like the end of the world. Or that break-ups may affect him much more than you. Be diplomatic. Be selective about your battles. Learn to compromise on stuff that’s not vital to your relationship.

More energetic

Sure, you’ll have calm and mature dinner dates every now and then, but also be ready for a little bit of adventure – something you’d often need at your age anyway. Younger men are as adventurous outside of the bedroom as they are inside it, and they’ll bring out a more youthful, vibrant side of you. Don’t fight that, embrace it. He’s likely to see you as smarter and worldlier, so he’ll want to please you, not just physically but emotionally and intellectually. Also be ready to learn a thing or two.

Of course, add the fact that younger guys have more stamina, and you just may have a match made in orgasm heaven. He’ll come up with creative date ideas that bring back romance and youth, and make you feel empowered and appreciated. However, you need to develop a strategy to harness that energy so that it’s manageable and not all over the place. It can be very tiring.

Mismatched priorities

It’s possible that you met someone younger than you, began dating, and never thought it would get as serious. Depending on which stage of life he is, he’s likely not ready to settle down yet, as much as you probably are or want him to be. Getting married and having children may not be top of his priorities at this point.

He may, furthermore, still want to remain highly connected with his peers than the idea of coupling up with you. Don’t take it personal. It’s in his peers where he gleans a big part of his identity still. Let him be, as long as he gives you your place.

Unsolicited advices

Finally, dating a guy much younger than you is a social taboo. Expect to be looked at funny, and be talked about. It simply comes with the package. However, it’s more important what you think and believe than how everyone else, including your friends, feels about the situation. You don’t have to defend yourself to anyone, but you do need to find a way, preferably with your boyfriend, to shut people up.

Relationships are work and challenging no matter the age difference. It really depends on whether both of your maturity levels match together. If your maturity levels don’t match, you’ll be stuck with a child that happens to shave.

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