I f you’ve had to wonder, or write to us as many often do, whether your boyfriend is into you, well, he’s not. But it’s okay! Many before you have been there, and many will come after you. Perhaps he’s been there too, and while his behaviour is justifiable, it may be why he’s acting the way he does to someone else.

Here’s how you can know for sure if a guy isn’t that into you.

One-sided relationship

Do you constantly have to reassure yourself that he’ll come around eventually if you just wait a little bit longer? Do you feel that he is free to come and go in your life as he please? Do you find you’re the one initiating everything, phone calls, dates, texts etc. and he’s just in a different world?

Little interest in your personal life and viewpoint

Other than superficial information you share with everyone else, your man knows very little to nothing about you. It’s not that he’s shy, he simply doesn’t even take the trouble, until or unless you volunteer information without his probing. Other than sex, what else is he interested in around your life?

He forgets your milestones

Does he remember important days or events about your life, call you on holidays, recall you sharing with him some significant events in your life? Is he bothered to celebrate major developments in your life together with you?

Sometimes you just have to accept that he may want to get out of the relationship, but is probably shy to be open with you about it. He may think that it’s a display of respect for you to simply withdraw his emotions and affection from you, hoping that you’ll read the signs. Some people are like that. Unless he is a sociopath, he is likely not trying to hurt you. Have you ever had the experience of having to let someone down easy who you are not that interested in? Keep in mind that next time, you may be the person who is just not that into someone who has unrequited feelings for you.

When you find yourself wondering if he still loves you, your senses aren’t lying to you. It’s time to acknowledge it, and as much as it hurts, it may well be time to move on. If he makes you feel like you’re bothering or disturbing him for wanting his attention, do yourself a favour, back off and never take the initiative again. If you keep insisting on someone that’s not as into you as you are to him, you become a nuisance. Don’t call, text, inbox, or even initiate dates ever again.

However, you have a responsibility towards yourself, first and foremost.

Never make excuses for his behaviour

If a guy really likes you and is ready and available for a relationship, it will be obvious to you. Otherwise, he is either stringing you along, is not ready for a relationship for some reason, or does not want to tell you the truth himself.

Allow yourself to grieve

When his lack of interest in a relationship has become undeniable, it’s time to cope with the pain. Be gentle with yourself, as you are likely embarrassed and reprimanding yourself for putting your heart on the line. Remember that you are just a human being. We all have feelings, and hope for and have a need for love, it’s in our nature…Forgive yourself because you never meant to hurt yourself.

Never grovel

Communication isn’t always verbal. That he shows signs of being withdrawn from you and takes no interests any longer, is enough communication you need. Never fight or beg for his attention or that he prioritizes you. Otherwise you’ll owe him for the rest of that so-called relationship.

Be honest with yourself

The best way to cope with the pain of rejection is to not lie to yourself as if you don’t care at all. Accept the truth that you read his interest wrong and that you got hurt in the process. Consider the possibility that your feelings for him may have become inflated simply because they aren’t returned. We often want what we can’t have. Importantly, you can’t make someone love or like you. You can’t even change their behaviour, no matter how much you want to. They themselves have to be willing to do that.

Take your dignity back

You cannot change him. If his mind is already setup to leave you, then never stand on his way. Let him go, and rather deal with the hurt by yourself – and your friends and perhaps family. You deserve better. You deserve someone who’s respectful, loving, kind and thoughtful of you. Someone who’ll treat you like the queen you are. If he’s not forthcoming, at least treat yourself like a queen, and still, never settle.

Your value and worth as a person have nothing to do with his perception of you. Remember that his lack of interest in a relationship with you does not mean that you are not worthy of a great relationship with the right person. Never let someone else’s interest or lack of interest in you define your own self-worth.

Never chase after a man, especially if he makes you feel like you’re disturbing him. Give him the opportunity to chase you for a change. Besides, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be anyway? Him doing the chasing?